Defeated

Yesterday's draft game was a big kick to the crotch. The second I got to the arena I could tell that even at the lower level these guys were good, and this is just from the way they were getting dressed, I'm not one to look at another changing, but these guys even suited up like a pro. The players there at the draft game meant serious business. From the way they taped their sticks, to the way they were adjusting their wheels, this did not look good for me.

I show up at 10pm so that I could watch the game before with the more skilled players all jocking for a position in the higher tiers. I'm definitely not good enough to play in the top tiers. After signing-in they handed me a jersey with #18, I didn't have much of a choice. After receiving the jersey I tried to think of a hockey player who wore the jersey #18 but nothing came to mind, this was not a good sign of things to come.

I enter the changing room after watching half of the first game, and there were already 4 other players there talking about their experiences from last year. I stumbled in lugging all my equipment, greeted all of them then proceeded to try to squeeze some answers about them to try to size up my skills. As it turns out, everyone in there had played roller hockey in one way or another the year before, this was not looking good for me.

As time ticked down, I was getting more anxious then nervous, anxious to see how I compared against everyone else. I didn't need to wait long to find out. Getting onto the rink I noticed that some of the players from the last game were still skating, they were going to play in this game as well. Obviously they remained undrafted and didn't mind jumping down to the lower tiers. Four minutes before the game started we practiced and whatever I was worried about before hand was now magnified 10 times. These guys were good: puck handling, skating, passing, shooting, they even had nicer equipment.

During the 30 minute game I lost track of the number of shifts I took. The game came and went in a blur, when it was all said and done the Inline league coordinator told us to gather around. He started calling out names and which team they've been drafted by, and with each passing name I could feel the disappointment grow. By the end, half of the players were drafted, the other half remained still, bodies hunched, one knee down, heads looking to the ground, in one word we all look defeated. No one wanted us, I now knew what a Suzuki car felt like.

My helmet was off the whole time during the draft, I should have left it on, maybe then I could have hid the look of failure in my face.

I saved $200 by not having to pay team fees, but money is valueless in comparison to my hopes and dreams. Yoda said it best: "Do, or do not, there is no try." I could say I tried but trying means nothing to me now.